Depression Vs. COVID
Quarantine for me felt like a really lonely time. There were ten weeks at the start of it all where I was laid off of work and I was pretty much stuck at home. I live alone so there was really no contact with my friends or family. I sat at home watching tv and eating a lot which of course meant I did nothing but gain weight for those two and a half months. I spent my 24th birthday at home alone. No party to celebrate and no friends to celebrate with. Finally it was announced that we were required to return to work and I thought that meant that COVID was pretty much over and that the world had opened back up again. Obviously I was wrong I went back to work but majority of my friends who didn’t have to go into an office were too scared to leave their homes. I guess their fears were justified but that didn’t mean it didn’t suck.
I couldn’t go anywhere but home and work, I couldn’t see anyone outside of my coworkers. To say my life was dull would be an understatement, it also made me go a little stir crazy. I know what you’re thinking, how can you go stir crazy when you’re still leaving the house? I was thinking the same thing when I was trying to put a name to the feelings I was having, but apparently it’s very possible to feel that way. The definition of being stir crazy is to be restless or frantic because of confinement or the same routine and that’s exactly what was happening. At the time no one was allow to visit parks or be outside at all really, so all I saw everyday all day was the inside of my house or the inside of my job and it was just plain horrible.
At some point COVID finally gave us a little reprieve and the world opened up a little. At the time I had just meant someone so we were able to go out for very basic dates which I didn’t complain about I was just happy to be with them. We worked together so we were around each other all the time which made the whole pandemic thing a little easier to tolerate. Our little movie nights together made being in the house bearable but of course we all know when it comes to relationships all good things must come to an end and we broke up after a couple months. I guess the honeymoon faze had finally ended. It’s safe to say I was devastated but it didn’t seem like he cared too much.
This period of time was really hard for me. A guy I had really strong feelings for and I were over yet I had to see him almost everyday. I had to watch him talk to other girls while ignoring me, see him laugh and joke while I was miserable and to make it even worse I had nobody to talk to. Yes, I guess phone call and text messages to my friends would have worked but it wasn’t the same as literally having a shoulder to cry on. Not to mention my friends had their own lives, they couldn’t just have their phones on stand by all the time. A good girls night where we could bash him or I could cry over him would’ve been all I needed, but thanks to COVID and quarantine that wasn’t an option. I had to suffer through my heartache and dark thoughts all on my own. I’ve suffered with depression for years, but I had gotten pretty good with keeping myself from that dark places for the past 3 of those years, but it was always good to have a support system when the bad thoughts creeped in. For the first time in a long time I didn’t have thought and that period of time was really scary for me. I didn’t know what was going to happen. Lately since I’m able to see friends more it’s gotten better but I think because the scare of going out is still so prominent and I can’t really go out like pre COVID, it’s making me getting over this that much harder.
Good job keeping your focus small, you've pinpointed a specific point in your life. I'm sorry to hear you've gone through a tough time. Your story has a clear beginning, middle, and end. The flow is good as well. One suggestion would be to include some sensory details of any particular memories you have from this time, try to show instead of tell.
ReplyDeleteI was sad to read that you went through something tough like a break up while also trying to deal with quarantine and the world being shut down. I really enjoyed the way you wrote, though, and it made me feel as if I was having a conversation with a friend about what they have been going through. Although the story was probably sad and hard to tell, it is kind of good to relive those moments and work through them. You can look back in a few weeks or months and see how far you've come and how you are doing mentally. Just remember that it is getting nice out again, you will be able to do things "normally" one day. Look at the positives and I hope things get easier. I know how hard it can be going through something like that when you can't go out and relieve stress and sadness the ways you once could.
ReplyDeleteReliving these types of emotions through the writing of a memoir can be painful, but they can lead to healing and perspective. You capture the emotions, but you may be able to add a bit more sensory imagery and more aspects of showing rather than telling. Most of us can relate to the moments of loneliness, stress, and worry, and you managed to draw your readers in by those common feelings and experiences we now all share because of our circumstances.
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