Week 7: My Escape

My Escape    

    Free. That was the first thing I felt when I stepped out of the car onto the fresh grass and began to walk through the hard crunchy gravel that led up the drive. I could feel the fresh air gently caress my face as the wind blew lightly. The air was warm and thick as it wrapped itself around me, feeling like an embrace from an old friend. I felt serene for the first time in what felt like forever as I heard the bees buzz by and the wind chimes tinkle in the distance. In the quiet of that town, I felt a deeper connection to myself. It may have taken three hours in a small cramped car bursting at the seams with luggage, but I was home. I was finally home. 

    The air was clean, the sun was bright, and the sky was a warm blue. Instead of concrete and pavement being the main surface, grass overtook the entire area as far as the eye could see. Flowers bloomed in all colors, making the grass appear a grounded rainbow. It was beautiful and it represented my sense of freedom. Freedom from the noise of the city, the pollution in the air, and the judgements of the people who thought they knew me. People in this town knew nothing about me and didn’t pretend to. Every step I took through the old walking paths surrounding the lake, the more the shackles around me loosened, until they eventually fell off completely. The trees engulfed me, feeling more like a protective hiding space than the typical suffocation I felt in the crowded spaces of my town. I had nothing to live up to here, no one to impress or prove myself too. At home, I constantly faced the expectations of those who knew me, which, as a consequence of living in a small town, was pretty much everyone. I had to play the part of the dutiful daughter, the girl destined for greater things and meant to be a brilliant doctor and fulfill everyone else's dreams for me. I lived in pure fear everyday, so scared someone would finally see that their version of me was not who I truly was or who I even wanted to be.

    This moment of peace was the perfect chance to reset myself, to recenter and soul search. I sat on the edge of the dock at the end of the trails, my legs dangling down into the cool lake water, and began to ponder this idea. I could finally rebuild myself in any and every aspect I wanted to. I no longer had to fit the role given to me, I could design my own role. I was ready to step up and show my real self, people could accept it or not; I would no longer let fear control me and dictate my life and the decisions I made. This social rebirth allowed me to connect to my inner self and finally build the person I wanted to be. Looking back, this was the moment I realized to open up and see the beauty in everything around me. If I had been more closed off, I would have never noticed the bewitching scenery around me. If I could open myself up to the beauty around me, maybe those at home could one day recognize the beauty within the true me. But I would start with this small lake town far from my own town, and one day build myself up to confronting those I knew with my real self. I had learned to enjoy the little things in life. Without appreciating these things, I never would’ve gained that sense of freedom. I never would have found where I now feel most at home. And I may have never found myself.

Photo Credits to my Dad.